Happy iPhone Day

Happy iPhone Day! I mean iDay! Yay, I'm looking forward to spending my day at work dealing with all the jerks flaunting their new iPhones.

Oh and check out Fake Steve Jobs' blog post about this historic day:

I am proud to have given meaning to your life. I am proud to have invented iPhone and designed iPhone and brought iPhone to the world. I feel, in a way, humbled by your adoration. But in another way not humbled. Anyway. My whole life has built up to this moment. I believe that this is what I was put on the earth to achieve. I thank you all for sharing this historic day with me.

Well said Fake Steve Jobs! We applaud you!

I Like Turtles

It's been a slow blog day.

What I Learned From Homemade Soap and Dummies

I had a conversation with a friend today about her well off relative who ended up spending ten years of her life in college due to her indecision to pick a major or have any direction in her life. In the end, she ended up getting married soon after college and was given a brand new house from her parents as a wedding gift. I asked what she was doing now and my friend told me she doesn't work but has the time enough to make homemade soap to give to her friends as gifts.

At this point, I pondered how much time would one have to have in their lives to one day be bored enough that they'd actually consider making soap as a hobby. Well, we both concluded it would take as much time as it would take for someone to consider candle making a serious passion. And since my friend was completely clueless about the art of candle making, I semi-seriously suggested her to google 'Candle Making For Dummies' knowing that such a book might exist. And to our delight, it did. But reality gave us a more than we had hoped for with the book Making Candles & Soaps For Dummies. Needless to say, we were both in hysterics.

As a result, I have a new favorite game. Googling for Dummy books that shouldn't exist but probably do. For example, "Blogging For Dummies". Now you might think, "Oh c'mon. No... no way.... who would write or buy that... hmmm ok wait... damn, that probably does exists huh." But before I found out, I used the handy Dummy Book Generator to create a possible cover.

And if you're still doubtful, yes that Dummy book does exist.

1938 Disney Rejection Letter

Some guy was sifting through grandma's old stuff when he found a rejection letter from Disney from 1938. Here's a snippet:

Dear Miss Ford:

Your letter of recent date has been received in the Inking and Painting Department for reply.

Women do not do any of the creative work in connection with preparing the cartoons for the screen, as that work is performed entirely by young men. For this reason girls are not considered for the training school.

So what can we learn from all this? Disney had some awesome stationary back in 1938.

Fast Food Reality

Here's a funny yet compelling web site I visited recently. It's a picture gallery contrasting the fast food industry's ad photos vs the real thing. Highlights include KFC's Infamous Bowl and Arby's Squashed Beef And Cheddar. I would write about it more if the pictures weren't so damn obvious. So just visit the site and enjoy!

Mates of State

I was in my kitchen the other day with my tv on in the background, and I was nearly floored when I heard a song I'd never imagine coming out of my tube. My first thought was, "Wait, I know this song." My second thought was, "No, that's impossible. There's no way they'd be on tv." But I then looked up and saw them. Mates of State in an AT&T commercial! Not only were they on tv, they were playing a clip from my personal favorite song "For The Actor" (which was not even a single) from their 2006 album Bring It Back. And most of you are probably asking yourselves, Mates of Who? Exactly.

Now I usually dont get this excited over a lame tv spot, but Mates of State are the exception. They're an indie-pop wife and husband duo where the girl plays the keyboard while the the dude plays the drums. But don't let their lack of instruments fool you. They manage to craft the most intricate vocal harmonies, tempo changes, and melodic textures into every one of their songs. It's one of those bands that makes you hate music because they are so good but haven't received the mainstream exposure or success that they deserve. Hopefully that'll change!

Here's a video clip of them in studio recording one of their songs "Ha Ha":

LACMA, gypsies, and je ne suis pas un robot!

I was going to put on my faux hipster hat today and talk about LACMA last night and how IMA Robot dresses like a band of kurdish gypsies. But I read SB's (formerly known as HC) epiphanous entry yesterday about people being robots, and it got me thinking.

Life is kinda like one of those optical illusions where one person stares at an image and sees a young couple enjoying a nice meal while another person viewing the same photo will see a frightening fire breathing skull from the depths of hell! Yeah, I guess we could say we're all just robots following the same conventions and rules as everyone else. Like washing your hands before a meal or wearing hairnets even if you're bald. But it's all about perception. If you think you're a robot, the world won't change but you might see yourself and others differently than before. Or perhaps you think the opposite and think we all have a free will and have the opportunity to change the course of our lives at any moment in time.

But which is true? Are we all just robots following our genetically encoded program? Or are we free spirits in the world with limitless potential and direction? Well, I think the answer is both. It's just a matter of refocusing your perception on life's optical illusion.

Ima Robot?

Well I think we all are.. I think DKimster will probably write an entry with the same title bc he likes the band. But honestly I think that band has a brilliant name. Why? because it made me think... And now here is what it led me to: we all ARE robots!! Thats because we do stupid things like apply the same logic to everything all the time and call it a law. So for example, we don't want hair in our food so we put a hairnet on food handlers' heads. But what about the hair gorilla types? I've had ARM hair in my food before... nose hair.. other hair.
ok. I'm SO tired. And I had a few beers tonight. Both at work and then at LACMA. Stay tuned to read Dkimster's entry.

funniest five second clip ever

There are many known successful formulas to create comedy gold, but who would've expected: camera zoom + dramatic music + a prairie dog = the funniest five second video clip ever!

Lily Allen Was A Mistake

How did she get in? Who made her famous? Which idiot decided she was obscure enough to bring her into my circle of knowledge? You know who are you! Shame on you! Shame on you NME! Shame on you Pitchfork! Shame on all you bloggers and Lily Allen's myspace friends. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Look at what you've created!

Lily Allen is like the priviledged childhood actress who gained too much attention and fame at an early age. Except she hasn't crashed her father's mercedes into a tree yet. Yes, Lily Allen is the Lindsay Lohan of indie music. And her music? Lily Allen is to indie pop as Avril Lavigne is to punk. So stop it! And you have nothing but yourselves to blame for creating this snooty brat. So stop writing about her! Stop requesting yourself as her myspace friend. Stop giving her an audience. And stop listening to her music!

And to my fellow americans, just because she has a british accent and shops at a vintage store doesn't mean she's any more sophiscated or brighter than say Kelly Clarkson. Just admit it. Lily Allen was a mistake!

God or.. Internet is God

This is an un-novel thought about how the Internet has given religions a run for their money. I mean we have literally outsourced conscience. We have outsourced it to cookies, viruses we pick up visiting various sites, YouTube, and the search engines that gather and keep your data. There are satellite images of your house, of you, of all your actions. The web has a very strong memory. It can cache your results for ever! Even God forgives!

Kissing and various types of kissers

There are many types of kissing and kissers. In terms of kissing types, here they are:
1-Ass-kissing
2-butterfly kissing
3-kissing on the cheek
4-French kissing which is like.. mouth to mouth but like with active tongues.
5-kissing something goodbye
6-pecks (like a little short-lived muah on the mouth)
7-air kisses
8-air kisses having been relayed by the hand and not just the air. Meaning you kiss your hand and wave the kiss out to the person.
9-blowing kisses, which is like making sure your air kiss (with the hand) involves some direction so that it arrives at its desired location or the vicinity.

I like to kiss my friends hello when I see them. But sometimes some people have funky smells I don't like. Also, some people are uncomfortable kissing others so they get all crazy and mistake the sides and end up in your face, almost giving you a peck!

I also like to kiss dudes. I'm a female and straight so it comes naturally. Sometimes though I get weird kissers. The kisser types are below:

1-The camel: they think they are chewing or trying to make food break down with their tongue. If they had sound accompanying their action, it would sound like this: mlaaaaaa, mlaaaaaa, mlaaaaaaaa. I'm not a fan of this type.

2-The Pucker face. They pucker the fuck up when they want to kiss someone, even when they know it will be an open-garage type kiss. Those are the types that don't think ahead. I mean c'mon! you know what you're about to do.. why the face?

3-The Nervous Apocalypto. The dude that thinks the world is ending as he approaches your face. It makes me, in turn, think that the world is ending and I want him to go the fuck home. Or anywhere but here...

4-The Awesome Kiss-anova. The dude who is sooo good, you wonder how many chics he's laid and how he got that way. Scary. Herpes!!

5-The Lizard. Insert tongue. Keep it still. Take it out. Re-insert. Do this very very quickly.

6-The Gergory. Thats the dude that likes the peckity peck. No disrespect to Gregory Peck (he was amazing... probably a great kisser too, but not the alarming kind). But the Gregory likes to just keep it short and sweet and it's just like.. after a few you're like... so when are you going to kiss me for real?

7-The Linger-berry. This dude hovers around your face for like 20 minutes. Then you finally kiss him. And then he says "Wow! You KISSED ME!" I'm like no shit. I didn't know what else to do!

8-The Spitter: saliva central. You would think you just tapped into a well. It's gross and you imagine the bubbles forming and it makes for a not so nice image and you start to snarl and then your own kissing style gets all messed up and starts to resemble the Pucker Face!

Alright I'll think of 2 more at the gym and get back to you.

worst video ever

I usually don't mind bad videos. Bad videos are usually accompanied by bad music and because I don't listen to bad music, I'm indifferent. It's like if a tree falls down a thousand miles away in the rainforest and crushes a baby sloth, I didn't hear it. It didn't happen. I don't care.

But every so often, a great song gets an absolutely abhorrent music video. Take LCD Soundsystem's latest single "All My Friends" from their 2007 album Sounds of Silver. The song is arguably the song of the year and quite possibly a definitive anthem for an entire generation. Now follow it up with a music video featuring nothing more than the aged and bloated head of James Murphy in metalic silver-blue face paint lipsyncing to a shortened radio-edited version of his masterpiece. Thankfully, the camera slowly pans away to give the viewer enough time and space to recover from the neck pain caused by excessive cringing during the opening two-minutes. And as a finale, lets pour a bucket of water over the man's head!

NOOO!!!

LACMA, I'm so there!

Woah, Late night at LACMA is coming up soon. Ima Robot, ex-girlfriends, black jettas. I'm so there!

But first of all, check out their ridiculous acid-inspired and happiness inducing promo artwork. I can't stop staring at that giant sun-faced behemoth leaving a trail of sunshine, lolipops, and rainbows as he tramples the sadness out of Los Angeles.

And it looks like he's about to devour another shroom. With a monkey on it!! Too bad the poor bastard is too busy powdering his face with fairy dust. Run monkey before the overgrown sun-child eats you!!!

hipsters

omg.

Well my cohort started this entry with the most awesome word (yes, word!) "omg" that conjures up almost as many feelings as the word "fuck", and I will continue. It's funny how you can have so many words to say when you say them out loud. But without context and having to lead a reader into a subject takes more work, prowess, and well.. harnessed talent. I'm trying to harness my wild horse of a talent, my messy mane, my mildly chaotic aura to funnel you all in!

Alright. So.. hipsters. What are they? Who are they? Why are they? And how is one made?

Here are steps to being a TRUE hipster:

1-don't give a fuck.
2-don't give a fuck about not giving a fuck.
3-dress like you want, without copying the Urban Outfitters mannequins exactly.
4-don't be a hippy.
5-in other words, if you think everything or almost everything is cool or great or whatever, you have lost the game.
6-be weird. if you're being yourself, then you're already weird. trick is not to TRY .
7-have B.O. once in a while. B.O. happens, it's natural and like the Beatles said, "let it be".
8-I am thinking of more to say.
9-either get married really early, or late. Nothing around the popular ages of 25-30. Try 18-24 or 34-40. 31-33 are off-limits. After 40, you're just a reject. Before 18, you're a hick and have probably already had sex with someone in your family.
10-hate on at least 60% of things you see or hear. But don't talk shit behind people's backs. Just do it in front of them, TO them. That goes back to points 1 and 2.
11-If I hadn't wasted #8 on some bullshit blabber, I would have had a great list of 10... Be sure to be cultured. Know how to eat, and use/rest your utensils, know foreign foods, speak a foreign language, and have had at least one night sleeping on the sidewalks of Amsterdam (if you are in your 30's) or Vietnam (if you are in your 20's). If you haven't, read about someone who has.

Alright. Good luck. Check back in with us when you've implemented these measures. If these don't work, you are meant to be a cheerleader, whether you're male or female. So good luck to you!